Even in the middle of difficult life challenges, we all have the choice to either live-out what we believe is a vision of God’s will for our life or to live-within the vision that someone else has for us. The Biblical warning that “without a vision, people perish" is not about going to hell. It is about the living hell that often results when we are living someone else’s vision more than our own vision. For example, the vision an addict [be it a spouse, parent or child] has for us is that we will not interfere with them getting their fix and we will not hold them accountable for their choices. The same is true for those of us who live with an abuser, a controller, a people-pleaser, a what-would-the-neighbors-thinker, etc. Then we wonder why we are depressed and frustrated! After choosing to change our lives we often ask, “Why did I put up with that stuff for so long?” The answer is usually that we lost our vision and began to fit into someone’s vision for us.
Living God's vision is not always fun or easy. If fact, we are promised that it will involve self-sacrifice. Most of us have been doing that, but often from an unhealthy place. Has is occured to you that when we we believe the lie about our worth that our self-sacrifice "worth-less?" I can't understate the importance of discovering your personal mission statement and a vision statement of what that mission would look like if it was passionately lived out according to God’s will and grace. Yet, discovering our personal mission and vision statements can be challenging. In Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain, Betty Edwards describes how she teaches beginning artists to not draw what they see, but to focus on seeing the spaces and to draw what is not there. It really does help beginning artists. This may also be a good way to approach clarifying our personal mission and vision for life.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you clearly realized what was making you unhappy or frustrated? That is a “point of power.” Try this, clearly define something in your life that diminishes your quality of living on-purpose. Then, imagine the opposite of that quality is present. This exercise may give you a clue for a new vision and power to change. If we identify all the things we are no longer willing to put up with (i.e. tolerate) and eliminate them, then our personal vision can be clearer. We can then decide whether we are going to live-out our personal vision or continue to simply live-within someone else’s vision for us.
Healthy change is hard! It calls for prayerful discernment and the support of friends who want you to experience your spiritual and personal best. Changing our personal vision may empower the people in our life to change their vision too. On the other hand, it may confirm that they are not willing to change. Often both sides of a relationship desperately want to change what is not working, but don’t know how or where to begin. Identify and clearly communicate the behaviors that you no longer want to tolerate. Don't simply identify other the person as intolerable. By letting go of trying to change them, we may empower them to make a choice to change.
Find your points of power and clarify your personal vision!
Dr. Paul D. Fitzgerald, ©2004 HeartConnexion Ministries, 913-492-8820 Email: DrPaul@heartconnexion.org Website: www.heartconnexion.org
